Just read up quite alot about lip piercings makes me think twice, its kinda scary man, zzz, but i want it badly D:
HOW??? Should i get it or give it up?
man... maybe i should find someone who knows how to pierce during the holidays :D

OFA Test today, was kinda happy i know how to do most parts of the paper, except for the damned pivot table -.- 10 marks~ after test ate at school, then i went hougang mall, bought hollow pin, wanna pierce my lip, anyone wanna volunteer? :X i also scared myself :X jialat, rinn!! help me pierce! :X i also bought invisible stud in case =D hehe, nothing can stop me now :P hope my mum doesn't see it :D

thats about it for today luh, i wan go sleep liao -.- tired, nights~



a very touching song, go listen, ruki's voice is just... perfect

枯詩　- ガゼット

词: ルキ

空虛だった心の詩 意味など探せず
振り返れば　其処には何も殘ってなかった

時か経てば色褪せてく　花のような詩
響くはずも無い枯れた詩

過去を求めて　離れて行く
理解ってたはずなのに　何故　痛む
耳に殘るその音色はどれだけ胸に響いてくれてますか？

何も変れらないのに　あの頃よりも
前を向けてるのに　おかしいね
だんだん遠くなって　手が届かなくて
寂しいのは同じはずなのに
何を求めているの？　理解らなくなって

気付けばもう何処かへ　飛び立った後
無力な自分に気付き　振り返れば

其処には干乾びた俺がいた

どうしようもなく悲しい時に
零れる涙のような　偽る事の無い詩を
言葉にならい程嬉しい時に
笑顔のような　詩か歌えたら…

震えにまだ　酷く　続く
息を切らし　立さ止まれば
何も無かったあの時と同じ
冷たい毎日に帰りたくない

幼き頃から　夢見てた夢の中
一歩ずつ　また一歩ずつ
支え合って　笑い合って
泣いて　傷付いて

同じ色の夢を共に歩いて行こう
どうしようもなく辛い時に見せた
弱さを支えてくれた　信じる人へ
不器用な言葉でしか云えないけど
枯れた声が途切れるまで　此処に居たい




Kare Uta - the GazettE

Lyrics: Ruki

Unable to search for the meaning of my heart's empty song
When I turned around, there was nothing left
As time passes, the song fades like a flower
A withered song that doesn't echo

Longing for the past, we grow apart
I knew it would happen, so why does it hurt?
How much does the melody that lingers in my ears echo in my heart?

Nothing has changed since then
I'm facing forward, but it's strange
You're gradually growing so distant I can't reach
I thought we were both lonely
So what am I longing for? I don't know anymore
Before I realize it, you've flown off somewhere
I realize my powerlessness and turn around
And there was my dried-up self

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

The violent trembling still continues
If I hold my breath and stand still
It's like back when there was nothing
I don't want to go back to those cold days

Since I was small I dreamed in dreams
One step at a time
We supported each other, laughing together
We cried and got hurt
Let's walk together in the same-colored dream

When things were too hard to bear
The weakness you showed supported me; I have faith in you
And I can only say it with clumsy words, but
I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

Until my withered voice gives out...Unable to search for the meaning of my heart's empty song
When I turned around, there was nothing left
As time passes, the song fades like a flower
A withered song that doesn't echo

Longing for the past, we grow apart
I knew it would happen, so why does it hurt?
How much does the melody that lingers in my ears echo in my heart?

Nothing has changed since then
I'm facing forward, but it's strange
You're gradually growing so distant I can't reach
I thought we were both lonely
So what am I longing for? I don't know anymore
Before I realize it, you've flown off somewhere
I realize my powerlessness and turn around
And there was my dried-up self

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

The violent trembling still continues
If I hold my breath and stand still
It's like back when there was nothing
I don't want to go back to those cold days

Since I was small I dreamed in dreams
One step at a time
We supported each other, laughing together
We cried and got hurt
Let's walk together in the same-colored dream

When things were too hard to bear
The weakness you showed supported me; I have faith in you
And I can only say it with clumsy words, but
I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

When things are too sad to bear
There's a song without lies that spills over like tears
When I'm too happy for words
I wish I could sing a song like a smile...

I want to stay here until my withered voice gives out

Until my withered voice gives out...

Part 1 before one of their major concerts, Decomposition Beauty !



Part 2! check out 5:23 to 5:33, the GazeCheer! damn awesome! haha

the GazettE rocks! and im gonna slim down!!! by hook or by crook! ROAR!

8D
*is tempted*

Today... Went school in the morning, forgotten what i did also -.- then went lunch, saw HER! yay~ damn happy after i saw her luh!
Even though was pissed off by someone who gave birth to 2 boys and not being responsible about them, hate this kind of people. Don't say this kind of person liao, pisses me off only.

Anyway, Alvin, Rachael, Andy, Rand & me ran off after lunch, all of us were like, mostly not feeling well, my eye hurts man, dammit.
Went Bugis, met aunt over there, and then went to pray, and went to Kallang Bahru there another temple, prayed, came hougang mall, aunt bought Bak Kua for this saturday, praying for the 7th month, saw andy(my secondary school one) haha, its been like, 8 months since i last saw him, we went hougang mall, with aunt, she bought 2 clip on fans for my 2 nephews, then i saw the Sony Mp3, i wanna buy man 8D then me & andy went kopitiam, treat him drink, then we talked about last time sec school stuffs, both of us agree that secondary school is better -.- then all of a sudden, we saw 2 Yuying boys, GuoLun and Milton! hahaha damn qiao, they ate dinner, then they went gym, andy went home, i came back home, changed, went to gym to look for them, wa, they damn fit sia -.- i damn weak, zzz 25Kg also cannot liao, zzz, must start to train up already 8D jiayou jiayou! For HER!!! and for myself!

Have i fallen in love with her? I sure do. (:

Changed my blogskin, and i guess its time to update my blog, haha
Anyways, finished my first OFA assignment man, cool or what?
And i wanna buy Paipo! anyone know where to get? In Singapore, or how to import, pm me or tag!
in case you dunno whats paipo, heres the link

http://www.paipo.org.uk/

and... i finally found HER (: byebye~

im fucking sick again -.- kthxbye

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

I hate school. I hate MY home. I hate you. I hate him. I hate her. I hate it. I hate everything around me. FUCK IT LA!

Im already very tired from travelling from Hougang to Clementi to and fro everyday, can't i just have peace when i reach home? Please just shut your fucking mouth up la, you act as though you know me when you don't even know me. You don't even know how i feel. You treat me as though im a 13 year old kid, for fucking goodness sake, i have lived 17 fucking years! The furniture in my room is at least 20 years old! Can't i fucking change it? Friends who know me for lonng, you might wonder why you can't come my house to do any projects, cos my house looks like a fucking dumping ground, or a fucking garang guni's house, FUCK!

I seriously need someone that understands me, i really don't know who understands me, i doubt anyone does, when your parents don't even understand you, how do you fucking expect anyone else to understand you?

My parents,

They don't trust me

They don't understand me

They give me stress unknowingly and say that they aren't giving me stress

They use me, ALOT

They are selfish

They only think about themselves

My dad is a drunkard with a little mental problem and is a fucking miser, during my pri school years, i told him i was going for a movie, so i need some money, he gave me a fucking 5 dollars, what do you want me to do with it? eat mcdonalds and go home? _l_

My mum is a selfish woman who always think about herself, and treats me like a 13 year old, everytime i go out, she'll call, 1st thing, "where are you" 2nd, "why are you there" 3rd, "what time you wan come back?" 4th, "you better be home by *ridiculous timings* and she fucking thinks that i don't know my limits, keep asking me to go sleep, again and again, fucking irritating, thats why i don't talk much at home already, when they 2 are around, FUCK FUCK FUCK!

FUCK IT ALL!

The reverse side of beauty
It dyed by beloved filth.
(Sexual disgrace)
The reverse side of beauty
It dyed by beloved filth.

幻惑の海　沈んだ蛍
否定は欲求上の嘘か
矛盾で染まる体温
理性を被る愛撫に
踊り溶け込む春は不意に
汚らわしく …

My mind which falls

Your seed and my seed never mixes.
The connection of this blood is eternal.
You cannot finish suppressing the desire.
To true daughter... [Sexual disgrace]

吐息塞ぐ脈打つ｢飢え｣は
分かり合えぬ紅蓮を求む

Closest mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
How long...
In humiliation
The countless fatal scar was born.

[Sexual disgrace]

Prohibited bud...
Reckless driving cucumber...
The kin'collapses...
Near relatives on death...
The smell of a cigarette smell breath ＆ shit
Moment that bitter white jam is mixed
Inside of a brain caused an error
and goes mad by the sweet bug

Your seed and my seed never mixes.
The connection of this blood is eternal.
You cannot finish suppressing the desire.
To true daughter...[Sexual disgrace]

首を這わす舌先と手
望む表情　紅蓮に染まれ

Closest mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
How long...
In humiliation
The countless fatal scar was born.

Closet mind is distorted instability.
Please release me before breaking.
So long...
In humiliation
The final art is your dead face

Dad which fall to the trap

Back blogging after a long day, yesterday i was kinda... emo, then i confided to Violet jiejie, kinda pissed her off though D: hope she forgives me, a little bit xiang tong already, maybe its just that im feeling stressed, hope so, hope i can have a breakthrough.

A very tired day~
yawn throughout the whole day, too tired, and also nothing much happened today, yeah boring life~
Still miss her quite alot though...
alright then, i go sleep le, tc all~

piercings i wanna get
p.s: i forced in the 6th ear stick in my ear \m/ & I love Kamiya family together with Violet Kamiya 8D

2nd day without you.

trying to not to think of you too much.

Today school is damn freaking bored, im like fucking tired, run too much ytd =.= yeah, shall skip school stuff, went Queensway after school, wa got damn alot of thing caught my eye i wan buy~ cny cny~ im damn tired la, lazy to post also, dollie say my posts too short, LOL!

edit: today is Filth In The Beauty day, i dunno why, damn addicted to the song today LOL!


the internet connection sucks now -'- nabehz!

1st day without you.

Took the bus in the morning felt... sad, almost cried. But, i was the one who wanna let her go, so, i shouldn't have any complains. Reached school, my friends were all there for me, i was damn touched, like, seriously, so i would like to take this chance to thank,
1) Alvin Ong!
2) Andy Tan!
3) Rachael, ah min, :X
4) Rand
5) Aaron
6) Master Farhan
&
of cos, GUIGUI!
Yeah, love them deep deep xoxo~
and, i've decided, to go for the NYAA Blaze camp, treat it as a 6 consecutive events to numb myself (:

26 & 27 Sept - Kelong
28, 29, 30 Sept & 1 Oct - NYAA Camp :D

Im constantly trying to make myself not think of it, but... zzz, time shall heal.

Life is pain, pleasure is death.

Amy, if you're reading this, i want you to know, iloveyou, and i will be waiting for your return, (:

One year ago, around this time, i fell, into my lowest point of my life, today, i fell, once again, to my lowest point of life, i feel like dying, i really just wanna, die, if i could talk to god, or anyone who is controlling my life, you now have 2 choices,
1) Let me die!
2) Make my life a better one.
at this point of time, i have support, no one to help me, i don't know whether i can stand up to face life again, this time, i might just fall, and never ever stand up again.
How i hope Sochii is my real brother, Violet and Toya are my real sisters...
Life sucks, because i lead a fucked up life.
Life is pain, pleasure is death.

Life is pain, pleasure is death.
-Miyavi

Girl, i want to tell you, i love you and i miss you, but, i know, you still love him and you still miss him.



Calm envy
降りしきる雨の音に　　沈みそうな
その約束は誰の夢で　誰の為の夢だろう

「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
どうかしてるね

繋ぐ手と逆のてには　いつも知らない香りがしてる
「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
息はちゃんと出来てるのに　崩れそうになる

言葉よりも深く　愛してくれるなら
目の前に居るあなただけを　信じていける
不意に見せた過去に　触れる度に脆く
埋め尽くせない空白に　涙浮かべ

安らぎに甘えてても隣の あなたが私の中から 途切れそうになる

「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
答えは笑みに溺れ
「You don't love, the everyday shadow when it was lost.」
掻き消せない程　抱えてる

あなたに投げた言葉も　愛してくれるなら
目の前に居るあなただけを　信じていける
不意に見せた過去に　触れる度に痛む　いたむ
私のいない空白まで　愛したい
気付かれないように　涙は拭うから
この以上私の前で　笑わないで

「さよなら」 を隠す二人じゃなく
「さよなら」 に泣く二人でいたい
思い返すより忘れて欲しい
そして私を空白に置いて
もう過ぎた日々を追ったりしないで

もうこれ以上置いて行かないで
「せめて・・・」
さよならを握り眠る私の
仄かな熱を煙草のように消して

帰らない日々を　愛した人よ

I seem to sink into the sound of the falling rain.
This promise is whose dream, who is this dream for?

I want to see all of you. I want to love all of you.
It's this way, isn't it?

When our hands are clutched together,
There is this unknown scent coming from the opposite one.
Although I can breathe normally, I seem to crumble eventually.
If you could love me deeper than just those words
I could believe only you standing before me.
In the suddenly showing past, the times we would touch,
Could not fill the fragile emptiness, floating on those tears.

Although I find comfort in this peace,
You, who are beside me, are breaking from my inside.

I want to see all of you. I want to love all of you.
The answer is drowning in a smile.
You don't love the everyday shadow, when it was lost.
We carry those bounds that I can't let disappear.

Even though I threw those words at you, if you could love me
I could believe only you, standing before me.
The suddenly shown past, hurts every time you touch me
I want to love you to my inner emptiness.
Because I won't let you notice how I wipe my tears
There is nothing else to laugh about in front of me.

It's not the two of us, concealing this means the [good bye]
How I wish it to be us together crying at this [farewell]
More than thinking back about it, I would like you to forget
And put me in this empty space.
Don't chase those long passed days.

Don't leave anything more than what's already left.
[At least…]
I hold onto this good bye, as I fall asleep
And the faint heat vanishes like tobacco.

The days that won't return, the person I loved

Changed blogsong, to Neo Visualism by Miyavi
Abit moodless, dunno why uh ):
imissyouamytan

Just to share, another video that moved me to tears, Meikyou Shisui by Due Le Quartz (Miyavi's ex band)

Back blogging, went Queensway after school, Amy was supposed to meet us, but her brother got something on, so didn't meet, didn't meet her in the end D:

im damn tired ;A; i love amy, bye~~ :X

Alright, im back blogging :D went to bedok in the afternoon with aunt, mum and a relative, while waiting for my relative at bedok interchange, saw Diananana LOL, so long no see her, she changed so much, couldn't recognize her, lol, then after that went bedok north ave 2 and they ate vegetarian while i ate Botak Jones! :> p.s: im in a relationship now :P x3