Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I just read the archives of your blog today.
How many chances have i gave you?
When i read, i told myself, i never wanna go back into this torture anymore.
You've always say, "i will change, one more chance."
Yet, you're still the same.
You're nice for the first few days, and back to your attitude a few days ltr on.
Im sick and tired for your actions.
If i was given one last chance, i will definitely change, but i know its all too late now, i know i can change, but, there's no more chance...
Remember the first day we met?
At suntec convention hall.
I called you, you attitude me. Nvm, i tolerate.
Ask you come out, like can die liddat. Nvm, i wait.
I waited around 3hours++ for you, and asking you to come out but you refused.
Was it so reluctant for you to meet me? If you dowan meet me, please tell me earlier, so i can go home and use the computer.
My maid scolded me, and rushed me to go home asap.
I ignored her, i hanged her phone, for you.
I was so excited to meet you, that i even skipped my meals until i had gastrics.
I told you i was at a talk, told you later then find me, its not i reluctant to meet you, im... shy... i didn't know you did not have your meals, im sorry, i really didn't know, i wanted to hug you that day, but, saying all this now is already useless, yes, i know.
After meeting, you said you wanna jio me back.
K, fine whatever. You're so realistic, but what to do? I loved you.
I loved you too, i told you, im just a ruffian, i don't know whats romantic, i told you i don't know what to do.
When i somehow "accepted" you, you told me you would wait till 1st jan.
And i was happy!
But your attitude, changed, alot.
Especially when you started to work.
My work is seriously tiring, not only my attitude changed towards you, it changed towards everybody, i became VERY short tempered, had no patience, i know how fucked up i was, i apologize to you, for hurting you.
No matter how tired your work is, you cant even talk to me on the phone isit?
Will die har? You can alr secretly talk to me on the phone.
Why cant you do it everyday?
First day of work, you accompanied me till rather late.
Was happy. But as time passes, the time you accompany me goes lesser, and lesser.
You always offline at 9+ by then.
But once, i appeared offline, and you offlined till 10+ going 11.
I almosted wanted to question you, but i didnt.
Because, i didnt wanted to quarrel with you.
Plus, you are alr so tired from work, i dont wanna disturb you since talking to you makes you more tired eh?
Its not i dowanna talk to you, im really dead beat, i tried accompanying you, but everytime i talk im already half asleep, and whatever you/me say, i won't know, i dowanna say things that hurt you, the 10+ going 11? I worked OT till 8 plus on that very day, as you know, i use com at least 3-4 hours, so, yeah, you could've questioned me, i would've been honest to you, thanks for caring about how tired i am, no sarcasm, im serious, nobody cared for me so much before.
Your blog, i rmb you posted smth like, "talking to (girl) now, she still haven sleep =.="
It was in the morning. I thought you could not use the phone?
If you can talk in the morning, then i dont mind waking up every morning just to hear your voice.
That girl? Yishan? she's my sister, we very long never talk already, and i wanted to consult her more about how to make you happy, you may not believe but, that was what happened, i don't want you to force yourself awake, i rather u sleep till you wake up.
Everytime, you talk about girls.
Girls girls girls. How chio they are, etc.
I alr tried to give in alr.
I close one eye. Know your limits.
I wonder, when talking to your friends, you talk about me or your girl-friends?
Am i not worthy to be in your topic of conversations?
Perhaps.
You are way more sensitive then me. Why dont you try and put yourself in my shoes?
Oh, i forget. You arent the one recieving the pain, you dont know how it feels like.
You wanna know? My friends, relatives, all knew you were my gf, i felt so proud having you as my gf, i know i always say girls chio, but thats my weakness, my bad habit, even though how chio i say they are, do you even remember, you were always the most chio, most beautiful, most adorable, in my heart? I guess you don't... Im sensitive, because i don't wanna lose you, you won't lose me, why? Nobody except you wants me, im such a jerk, a sucker, that nobody can tolerate me, except you.
You not happy, break. Happy, patch.
What you take me as, seriously?
Have you considered my feelings?
All couples quarrel, like duh.
Quarrel means not fated?
Everytime we break, you say things like, "We are not fated.. We are not meant to be.."
Um, do you know how it hurts inside?
Guess you dont again.
If you can compare looks, you can see you deserve a much more handsome and better guy, rather than a ruffian and super fat guy like me. Yeah, i may not know how it hurts inside.
You are always pushing me to other guys.
Saying they will treat me better.
I alr told you x10000 times i dont care about them.
Yet you keep on pushing me to them.
Then when you happy, you want to take me back.
So im just a thing that has no feelings lah?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Of course they will treat you better, take that boring gay for instance, he accompanies you, calls you every night, even though he dosen't talk, he made the initiative to call you, whereas for me? I suck, i forget about you whenever my mind crops up with lots of things, im a bad bf, i suck.
You say i scold you mad/crazy. You not happy.
Where got couple scold their bf one?
Let me ask you:
At this point of time, what you felt?
Pain? Or joy? Even that little bit of pain, can you feel it?
Take that pain, multiply a million, and thats how painful i felt all these long.
I know how painful you felt.
So, back to topic.
Scolding you mad/crazy. You not happy.
Then what makes you think,
_|_ fuck you would hurt me lesser?
Besides, mad/crazy is just a casual remark.
Fun ah, haven even one month you start to _|_ at me.
Marverlous. We are at such great speed ahead!
I apologize for this, for what i've done.
On 31Dec. You went fishing overnight.
K, nvm. I keep quiet.
Oh, incase you dont know, whenever you go fishing, you asked me to call.
But, you dont talk to me. You talk to your friends, your people there.
Then i call waste money? Listen to you talk?
But nvm, i dont quarrel with you before the day we were officially tgt.
11.55pm, i called you.
You were playing monopoly with whoever shit.
Cant you just give me 5minutes of your life? Just 5?
I even beg you okay.
You just ignore them. So monopoly is more impt then me. K thanks.
Until 12 struck. You asked for a relationship. I agreed.
What you did after that? Continue playing monopoly.
Even after being officially yours, my rank is still lower then some shit monopoly.
Thanks, alot.
31 Dec, even before i said i wanna go fishing, you remember i asked you out? You were the 1st one that came to my mind, do you even know that? I was already half sick that day, during fishing, i was already feverish, i wanted you to call me, cos that was the only time i can accompany you talk for long, i know i get distracted easily, im sorry for that. Its my fault for making you feel your rank is lower than monopoly, but after you accepted me, i showed off to all who were there, you were my gf already, they were all saying, "wa she very sweet leh" haha, it feels like yesterday...
Stop sending me smses at late midnights.
I need my sleep! Spare a thought for me, stop being so selfish.
Stop sending me things like, "i miss you. i still love you" yadda yadda
It ruins my mood and it annoys the hell outta me.
Sorry for irritating you..
Thanks for your understanding.
Thanks for not being selfish, for the very last time.
You've done a great part in my life. :)
You can stop now. Its enough.
Thanks again.
I want to be selfish for this time, because i want you to return to my side, i want to make you happier.
Oh, whats best. We haven met once when we are tgt.
Cool eh? :)
Am i supposed to be understanding and wait till you finish your job and then meet?
Maybe your next gf would.
Oh, and i told you to quit your job alot of times alr.
You just wouldnt.
Whatever. My words never enter your brain, so doesnt matter.
I told you before, i am a poor person, a.k.a a pauper, i have to earn money, to pay for my bills, i wanna bring you out to places that normal secondary school couples can't, i wanna make you feel special, but its all too late, now i even ask myself, "so what if i have the fucking cash now? i have no happiness!"
Its 4am now, and i sacrifised my sleep for this post.
I hope you wakes up from your slumber.
Im really tired now. Goodnight maraton readers. :)
... Thanks?
You might think, why would i chose to have a relationship with him?
Why would i wanna continue? Why dont i stop?
Know why?
I was hoping for a better tmr.
I pray everynight that he will change for the better.
I pray that he will shower me with more love and care.
I pray that everything will be alright.
But its pointless.
I went to look for my $700 dollars brother, CLOUD
Darkness arriving
How many chances have i gave you?
When i read, i told myself, i never wanna go back into this torture anymore.
You've always say, "i will change, one more chance."
Yet, you're still the same.
You're nice for the first few days, and back to your attitude a few days ltr on.
Im sick and tired for your actions.
If i was given one last chance, i will definitely change, but i know its all too late now, i know i can change, but, there's no more chance...
Remember the first day we met?
At suntec convention hall.
I called you, you attitude me. Nvm, i tolerate.
Ask you come out, like can die liddat. Nvm, i wait.
I waited around 3hours++ for you, and asking you to come out but you refused.
Was it so reluctant for you to meet me? If you dowan meet me, please tell me earlier, so i can go home and use the computer.
My maid scolded me, and rushed me to go home asap.
I ignored her, i hanged her phone, for you.
I was so excited to meet you, that i even skipped my meals until i had gastrics.
I told you i was at a talk, told you later then find me, its not i reluctant to meet you, im... shy... i didn't know you did not have your meals, im sorry, i really didn't know, i wanted to hug you that day, but, saying all this now is already useless, yes, i know.
After meeting, you said you wanna jio me back.
K, fine whatever. You're so realistic, but what to do? I loved you.
I loved you too, i told you, im just a ruffian, i don't know whats romantic, i told you i don't know what to do.
When i somehow "accepted" you, you told me you would wait till 1st jan.
And i was happy!
But your attitude, changed, alot.
Especially when you started to work.
My work is seriously tiring, not only my attitude changed towards you, it changed towards everybody, i became VERY short tempered, had no patience, i know how fucked up i was, i apologize to you, for hurting you.
No matter how tired your work is, you cant even talk to me on the phone isit?
Will die har? You can alr secretly talk to me on the phone.
Why cant you do it everyday?
First day of work, you accompanied me till rather late.
Was happy. But as time passes, the time you accompany me goes lesser, and lesser.
You always offline at 9+ by then.
But once, i appeared offline, and you offlined till 10+ going 11.
I almosted wanted to question you, but i didnt.
Because, i didnt wanted to quarrel with you.
Plus, you are alr so tired from work, i dont wanna disturb you since talking to you makes you more tired eh?
Its not i dowanna talk to you, im really dead beat, i tried accompanying you, but everytime i talk im already half asleep, and whatever you/me say, i won't know, i dowanna say things that hurt you, the 10+ going 11? I worked OT till 8 plus on that very day, as you know, i use com at least 3-4 hours, so, yeah, you could've questioned me, i would've been honest to you, thanks for caring about how tired i am, no sarcasm, im serious, nobody cared for me so much before.
Your blog, i rmb you posted smth like, "talking to (girl) now, she still haven sleep =.="
It was in the morning. I thought you could not use the phone?
If you can talk in the morning, then i dont mind waking up every morning just to hear your voice.
That girl? Yishan? she's my sister, we very long never talk already, and i wanted to consult her more about how to make you happy, you may not believe but, that was what happened, i don't want you to force yourself awake, i rather u sleep till you wake up.
Everytime, you talk about girls.
Girls girls girls. How chio they are, etc.
I alr tried to give in alr.
I close one eye. Know your limits.
I wonder, when talking to your friends, you talk about me or your girl-friends?
Am i not worthy to be in your topic of conversations?
Perhaps.
You are way more sensitive then me. Why dont you try and put yourself in my shoes?
Oh, i forget. You arent the one recieving the pain, you dont know how it feels like.
You wanna know? My friends, relatives, all knew you were my gf, i felt so proud having you as my gf, i know i always say girls chio, but thats my weakness, my bad habit, even though how chio i say they are, do you even remember, you were always the most chio, most beautiful, most adorable, in my heart? I guess you don't... Im sensitive, because i don't wanna lose you, you won't lose me, why? Nobody except you wants me, im such a jerk, a sucker, that nobody can tolerate me, except you.
You not happy, break. Happy, patch.
What you take me as, seriously?
Have you considered my feelings?
All couples quarrel, like duh.
Quarrel means not fated?
Everytime we break, you say things like, "We are not fated.. We are not meant to be.."
Um, do you know how it hurts inside?
Guess you dont again.
If you can compare looks, you can see you deserve a much more handsome and better guy, rather than a ruffian and super fat guy like me. Yeah, i may not know how it hurts inside.
You are always pushing me to other guys.
Saying they will treat me better.
I alr told you x10000 times i dont care about them.
Yet you keep on pushing me to them.
Then when you happy, you want to take me back.
So im just a thing that has no feelings lah?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Of course they will treat you better, take that boring gay for instance, he accompanies you, calls you every night, even though he dosen't talk, he made the initiative to call you, whereas for me? I suck, i forget about you whenever my mind crops up with lots of things, im a bad bf, i suck.
You say i scold you mad/crazy. You not happy.
Where got couple scold their bf one?
Let me ask you:
At this point of time, what you felt?
Pain? Or joy? Even that little bit of pain, can you feel it?
Take that pain, multiply a million, and thats how painful i felt all these long.
I know how painful you felt.
So, back to topic.
Scolding you mad/crazy. You not happy.
Then what makes you think,
_|_ fuck you would hurt me lesser?
Besides, mad/crazy is just a casual remark.
Fun ah, haven even one month you start to _|_ at me.
Marverlous. We are at such great speed ahead!
I apologize for this, for what i've done.
On 31Dec. You went fishing overnight.
K, nvm. I keep quiet.
Oh, incase you dont know, whenever you go fishing, you asked me to call.
But, you dont talk to me. You talk to your friends, your people there.
Then i call waste money? Listen to you talk?
But nvm, i dont quarrel with you before the day we were officially tgt.
11.55pm, i called you.
You were playing monopoly with whoever shit.
Cant you just give me 5minutes of your life? Just 5?
I even beg you okay.
You just ignore them. So monopoly is more impt then me. K thanks.
Until 12 struck. You asked for a relationship. I agreed.
What you did after that? Continue playing monopoly.
Even after being officially yours, my rank is still lower then some shit monopoly.
Thanks, alot.
31 Dec, even before i said i wanna go fishing, you remember i asked you out? You were the 1st one that came to my mind, do you even know that? I was already half sick that day, during fishing, i was already feverish, i wanted you to call me, cos that was the only time i can accompany you talk for long, i know i get distracted easily, im sorry for that. Its my fault for making you feel your rank is lower than monopoly, but after you accepted me, i showed off to all who were there, you were my gf already, they were all saying, "wa she very sweet leh" haha, it feels like yesterday...
Did you realise, whenever you are at your aunt's house, you dont bother to even send me a single sms for the whole day?
Until when you are bored, or you bought new earrings again, then you sms me.
Did you know how badly i missed you?
Even if you dont miss me when you're having fun, can you just text me an, "I Love You"?
Spare a thought for me, please?
You remember that time why i was at my aunt's house? I was helping my aunt prepare for my cousin's wedding, so sometimes i may be too busy, and i thought of smsing you alot of times, but your bill was always bursting, i didn't want you to get scolding, and mine was, too, but i didn't care, fyi, i pay my own bills, no matter i have income or not
WTF I JUST SAW A FAT LIZARD
Oh! Sure reminds me of my first time in my life killing a cockroach eh?
I was so scared of the fat cockroach.
I called you, so you could calm me down.
But what you did? Gave me criticism.
I was alr scared to my wits that i even teared.
"Now then you realise my importance lah!"
Oh, so now you are trying to say im making use of you?
Nvm, i keep quiet. Then you was very quiet and you only talked to your aunt or whoever.
I asked you, what were you doing?
Eating chicken wing.
Epic.
"Can you like stop eating and comfort me?"
"Cnot, the chicken wing very delicious, i very hungry leh"
Thanks, thanks. I think people are even laughing if they are reading it.
Until when you are bored, or you bought new earrings again, then you sms me.
Did you know how badly i missed you?
Even if you dont miss me when you're having fun, can you just text me an, "I Love You"?
Spare a thought for me, please?
You remember that time why i was at my aunt's house? I was helping my aunt prepare for my cousin's wedding, so sometimes i may be too busy, and i thought of smsing you alot of times, but your bill was always bursting, i didn't want you to get scolding, and mine was, too, but i didn't care, fyi, i pay my own bills, no matter i have income or not
WTF I JUST SAW A FAT LIZARD
Oh! Sure reminds me of my first time in my life killing a cockroach eh?
I was so scared of the fat cockroach.
I called you, so you could calm me down.
But what you did? Gave me criticism.
I was alr scared to my wits that i even teared.
"Now then you realise my importance lah!"
Oh, so now you are trying to say im making use of you?
Nvm, i keep quiet. Then you was very quiet and you only talked to your aunt or whoever.
I asked you, what were you doing?
Eating chicken wing.
Epic.
"Can you like stop eating and comfort me?"
"Cnot, the chicken wing very delicious, i very hungry leh"
Thanks, thanks. I think people are even laughing if they are reading it.
I have nothing to say about this, i didn't know you were so afraid of cockroaches, my fault, im sorry.
Everytime in msn, you reply me so slow.
What are you doing? I always wonder.
I questioned you many times, but you just said you was doing nth.
Like how you want me to believe that... But nvm. I tolerate.
Everytime in msn, you reply me so slow.
What are you doing? I always wonder.
I questioned you many times, but you just said you was doing nth.
Like how you want me to believe that... But nvm. I tolerate.
Believe it or not, i forget to reply people usually.
Hey, do you want me to continue on?
Im sure this is alr rather long.
And i still have a lot more to post up here.
No, my point of posting this up here, is not to tell you your flaws, and asks you to change.
Yes, best if you would change, so its easier for you future gf.
But, even if you have changed,
I will not return to
your side.
I already said, you are my only love, i don't care people will laugh at what i say, or laugh at how silly i am, i don't give a damn, as long as i can be with you.
So please... Find your conscience, stop hurting me any further.
If you truly love me, let me be happy, okay?
Because i know, being by your side aint gonna make me any happier.
My last request from you, Please Leave Me Alone.
I believe i can make you happier, this time, for sure.
Hey, do you want me to continue on?
Im sure this is alr rather long.
And i still have a lot more to post up here.
No, my point of posting this up here, is not to tell you your flaws, and asks you to change.
Yes, best if you would change, so its easier for you future gf.
But, even if you have changed,
I will not return to
your side.
I already said, you are my only love, i don't care people will laugh at what i say, or laugh at how silly i am, i don't give a damn, as long as i can be with you.
So please... Find your conscience, stop hurting me any further.
If you truly love me, let me be happy, okay?
Because i know, being by your side aint gonna make me any happier.
My last request from you, Please Leave Me Alone.
I believe i can make you happier, this time, for sure.
Stop sending me smses at late midnights.
I need my sleep! Spare a thought for me, stop being so selfish.
Stop sending me things like, "i miss you. i still love you" yadda yadda
It ruins my mood and it annoys the hell outta me.
Sorry for irritating you..
Thanks for your understanding.
Thanks for not being selfish, for the very last time.
You've done a great part in my life. :)
You can stop now. Its enough.
Thanks again.
I want to be selfish for this time, because i want you to return to my side, i want to make you happier.
Oh, whats best. We haven met once when we are tgt.
Cool eh? :)
Am i supposed to be understanding and wait till you finish your job and then meet?
Maybe your next gf would.
Oh, and i told you to quit your job alot of times alr.
You just wouldnt.
Whatever. My words never enter your brain, so doesnt matter.
I told you before, i am a poor person, a.k.a a pauper, i have to earn money, to pay for my bills, i wanna bring you out to places that normal secondary school couples can't, i wanna make you feel special, but its all too late, now i even ask myself, "so what if i have the fucking cash now? i have no happiness!"
Its 4am now, and i sacrifised my sleep for this post.
I hope you wakes up from your slumber.
Im really tired now. Goodnight maraton readers. :)
... Thanks?
You might think, why would i chose to have a relationship with him?
Why would i wanna continue? Why dont i stop?
Know why?
I was hoping for a better tmr.
I pray everynight that he will change for the better.
I pray that he will shower me with more love and care.
I pray that everything will be alright.
But its pointless.
What i needed was time, tell you the truth, i have never ever been in such a deep relationship, if i have the chance right now, i can change for the better, i can shower you with love and care, i can ensure everything will be alright.
But its too late.
I, kinda did this when i was missing you, i know you wouldn't care about this picture but, it definitely explains how i feel (:
Its stupid, or whatever, i don't give a damn (:
What's love? You're Love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, new paragraph =.=, imma post where i mia-ed to past few days
I went to look for my $700 dollars brother, CLOUDDarkness arrivingDie hard brothers :D
How i cried for the past few days, im serious, not joking, im not afraid to let people know that i cry, cos im a human too.
I will be awaiting for your return. (Pic by RJ)
10:47 AM
